Burger Weekly is happy to feature a review from Kevin Bacon & Big Swiss, the self proclaimed “Burger Kings of Atlanta.” Check out their blog for more Atlanta Burger Adventures, or follow them on Twitter.
Burgers Ordered: The Spanish Fly and the Blue ‘Shroom
The Experience: While watching Man v. Food and hearing Adam Richman’s full-mouth proclamation,”If you’re in Atlanta, and you wanna go for a Great Burger, I’d say hands down go to The Vortex“; The Swiss and I decided to see the site for ourselves. Upon on arrival, we parked behind the adjacent building; approaching the establishment, we admired the defacing artwork.
The angles from Travel Channel do not portray the bantam amount of internal surface area; I could spit the Vortex’s length (my regards for the graphic analogy). Rather than being asked “where would you like to be seated,” we apparently had “Outside” written on our foreheads. Out the door, up the waterlogged stairs, and into the plexiglass framed enclosure, we sat amongst a fruitful cornucopia of clientele.
We were greeted, more like approached, by a lackadaisical “Dude.” Regretfully, I do not remember his precise rhetoric throughout our repast; needless to say, it was far from cordial. In concession, the overall behavior of the staff was rather “Billy Bad A$$”; I assume this along with the clutter of Softcore Pornography, exemplifies why one must be over 18 to enter.
The Taste: My premature judgement of the “Spanish Fly” was disappointment; unlike Man v. Food’s description, the Menu and the Meal lacked a “Green Chili.” I prompted the waiter on the topic, he seemed unaware of such produce. At first glimpse, the morsel lured me in; Swiss and I gawked at the presentation of our dishes, mouths watering and all.
The richly pigmented, adipose yet hardy, sauce comforting my Pepper Jack Cheese’d Ball of Meat allowed no room for negative cognition. That first bite was much deserved, initially, I was charmed. Big Swiss was smitten with his Blue ‘Shroom, though he muttered that Farm Burger’s Maytag Blue Cheese still held his heart. He knew he wanted that ‘shroomed and smothered selection as soon as it aired on television.
Being a Mexican Food Enthusiast, I had altitudinal expectations for this “Chorizo.” Differing from the dry, meaty, salty, spicy taste I have been conditioned to love, what lied atop my cheese was nothing more than the Turkey Chiliplaguing our pre-dinner Nachos.
Nearing the epicenter of our sandwiches, a sudden transition in composition alarmed us; the proceeding bites returned less cooked, way less appetizing, mouthfuls. Hands Free and Burgers Down, we admitted the cooked temperature was not “medium” like we had requested. Trying as we might, the queasiness in our stomach’s begat insipidness; we were done, unlike our Hamburgers.
Dumbfounded at the “not even medium-rare” patties, I asked for the check.
The Verdict: I was not pleased with the building but of course. The decor is pleasant for a hoarder or those who thrive in clutter; the restroom experience was some-what traumatizing and the service was apparently inattentive. Nonetheless, we regard the undercooked incident as just that, one incident. Had they been cooked properly, this would have been a memorable, delicious, experience. Furthermore, authentic chorizo is a much needed addendum for the survival of the “Spanish Fly.”
The Vortex is located at 438 Moreland Avenue Northeast in Atlanta, Georgia.
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